Stuck in a tango lesson

I had no idea I would bear witness to a dance lesson when I stopped by a local coffee shop for a smoothie and free WiFi recently.

I'm still not even really sure what that was all about. 

The visit started off uneventfully, other than the fact that one of the employees flipped the sign to CLOSED as soon as I settled in with my Berry Morning Blast. I asked if I should leave, and she assured me that it was perfectly fine for me to sit along as long as I wanted. 

Then a woman in a hoodie, running shoes and weird culotte-style pants blew through the door. Pretty soon I realized she was the owner, due to the bossy and bizarre wine lesson she started giving her employees.

Crazy Owner Lady: Now, when someone asks you what kind of Chardonnay we have, you say Anjou. It is the BEST wine we have. I think it's nine dollars a glass. Let me check.  

She bolted over to the register and manically slammed her fingertips onto the keyboard.

Crazy Owner Lady: Yep. Nine fifty. It's the BEST wine we have. Next, you can point them to these wines. They're okay. They're good. They're good wines. They're almost as expensive. They're seven dollars.

At this point, I noticed she was making some of the employees taste the wines. They didn't seem to mind, but they did seem a little uncomfortable. I could tell they were from another country...maybe that was why? Maybe they didn't really understand her. I could picture little thought bubbles above their heads saying, why is she talking to me like I'm a little kid?

Crazy Owner Lady: Now. I can tell that wine is a mal-BEC. How can I tell? Because of the legs. It has beautiful legs running down the side. You don't drink a lot of wine, do you? You don't have wine in your country, do you?

Huh? Now why did she have to go there? They were already bewildered enough.

Okay, you're probably wondering....what about the dance lesson thing?

Right. 

The crazy owner lady finished up her weird wine tutorial and started pushing tables around. Then a non-employee guy (maybe her husband?) put on some tango music. Then she barked at all the poor foreign kids to come over and get ready. 

And here's part of what ensued:

Eeeek! As you just saw, this is the point where the crazy owner lady turned her attention to ME. I'm shocked at how calm I sound on that clip when I answer her question, because in my head I'm thinking, oh no....she's going to get snoopy and figure out I am secretly taping all this weirdness and she's going to lose it and kick me out...

Somehow, I managed to keep my cool, and she asked if I can take their pictures so she can post them on their website. "Oh! Sure!" I said, hoping I will be spared from some sort of incident. 

"They're from Iraq," she says. "WE BOMBED THEIR HOUSE."

I had no idea what to say to this. I think I uttered some sort of oh sound. Because this little tidbit of information did not even remotely explain why she was ordering her employees to learn the tango.

I couldn't help but wonder... Is she planning some sort of coffeehouse dance competition? Are these people actually being PAID to dance? 

And then I thought, I should really get out of here before she makes me dance too.