The battle for balance

My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--

It gives a lovely light!

--Edna St. Vincent Millay

     "First Fig", A Few Figs from Thistles

When I came across this poem recently, it was like finding gold. It put into words -- beautifully -- how I feel about my life. During the past two years, I've never slept so little. But I've never had so much joy on a daily basis.

Which is not to say I don't have my moments of doubt. An inner dialogue is constantly running in my head: Am I happy? Is my family happy? Are my husband and son getting what they need from me? Am I doing too much? 

I think I've found a pretty good work/family balance, but the doubts are always there. The struggles are always there, too. The most common one is something that seems simple, but to me is pretty profound -- do I wake my child from a nap to get us both to daycare and work on time? Or do I let him sleep the extra 10 minutes? When I choose the latter and later pay the price at the office, I wonder, is this worth it?

These are issues I think every mom struggles with, to some degree. And I suppose if I didn't re-evaluate myself and how I'm doing, I wouldn't be a very good mother. To be good at something, I think you have to be willing to take a step back and really question your methods, and the same goes for motherhood.

But oh, is it an incredible job. The best I've ever had. I get paid in kisses, hugs and snuggles. The bonuses are crayon drawings; "tastes" of pretend recipes of orange juice, ketchup and milk; and personal performances by one of the best recorder players this side of the Mississippi.

And all that trumps a snotty nose, poopy diaper or food-caked hair -- any day.